


how to end a game

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It’s almost 11pm when Kuroo climbs through Kenma’s window.“Did you get lost trying to find the door?” Kenma asks, as if he hasn’t grown used to Kuroo’s antics.In which Kuuro wants to confess, and Kenma’s not ready for their worlds to change.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 179





	how to end a game

It’s almost 11pm when Kuroo climbs through Kenma’s window, a regular Friday night occurrence. 

“Did you get lost trying to find the door?” Kenma asks, as if he hasn’t grown used to Kuroo’s antics. 

Kuroo grins, plopping himself down on the bed. “Who needs a door when you’ve got a perfectly good window?”

Kenma rolls his eyes, letting out an easy breath. 

“I brought you notes,” Kuroo says, taking a binder out of his backpack and handing over a few pages to Kenma. 

Kenma takes the notes, staring at them as if they’re the most interesting thing in the world when really, he just can’t bring himself to look at Kuroo. 

Kuroo, who always, without fail, brings assignments and notes to Kenma when he misses school. He's never even asked, Kuroo just does it, because that’s who Kuroo is. 

“Thanks,” Kenma says, setting the papers on his nightstand. “How was practice?” 

Kuroo shrugs, setting his backpack on the floor before scooching up against the wall, his feet outstretched so that they’re hanging off the side of the bed. “It was good. How are you?” 

Kenma crosses his legs, pressing the home screen button on his phone. “I’m okay,” he says, opening a random app, only to close it a few seconds later. 

This is easier when they’re texting. It’s just Kuroo, he knows it’s just Kuroo, but he’s never quite sure how to vocalize his feelings in a way that others will understand. It’s just—texting is easier. 

And he _is_ okay, that’s not a lie. He stopped trying to hide things from Kuroo a long time ago.

Well, most things. 

“I didn’t sleep much last night,” he tells Kuroo. “Not because of video games,” he adds, knowing Kuroo will know what he means. 

They’ve become good at this, saying a lot without saying much. he wonders if that’s just how it is when you’ve been friends with someone as long as they have. 

“I’m staying the night tonight,” Kuroo declares, and Kenma finally meets his eye. His expression is light, but Kenma can see the worry lingering underneath. 

“You don’t have to,” Kenma says, but it’s pointless. This is what they always do, and Kenma would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want his friend to stay. 

“I know,” Kuroo says. “I want to. I’d stay here every night if my parents wouldn’t kill me for it.”

“I’d kill you too,” Kenma tells him, biting back a smile. 

“But I wouldn’t mind if it were you,” Kuroo says, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Kenma grabs the stuffed animal next to him and hits Kuroo with it. “Weirdo.”

“You love it.”

 _Yeah_ , Kenma thinks, _that’s the problem._

“You’re crazy _and_ weird,” Kenma says, but he doesn’t deny that he loves it. 

Kuroo moves his leg, poking Kenma’s knee with his toes. “Let’s watch a movie.”

“My turn to choose,” Kenma says, shifting off the bed to search through his DVDs. 

He settles on Totoro, because he knows it’s one of Kuroo’s favorites, and it’s a nice movie to fall asleep to. 

When he turns around, he finds that Kuroo has made himself at home in Kenma’s bed, taking over the half that’s against the wall. 

Kenma’s stomach feels jittery. They’ve done this so many times before, and somehow that feeling never goes away. It never gets easier. 

“You’re a bed hog,” Kenma accuses as he slips into the space next to Kuroo. 

Kuroo nods in sleepy agreement, pressing his side into Kenma’s. “It’s the only way to get you to cuddle me.”

Kenma reminds himself to breathe. Kuroo is always saying stupid shit like that, always making Kenma’s heart stop in his chest. 

“Watch the movie, Kuro,” Kenma says, ignoring the feelings twisting in his stomach. 

Kuroo falls asleep halfway through the movie, his arm stretched out across Kenma’s stomach. 

Kenma stares up at the ceiling, partially listening to the movie and partially getting lost in his thoughts. 

Kuroo loves him, he thinks. 

He’s pretty sure. 

That’s not the problem. The problem is that next year, Kuroo will leave for university, and Kenma doesn’t want to be the person who holds him back, in any kind of way. 

Kuroo doesn’t make it easy. Kenma’s almost certain that his friend has tried to confess at least three times in the last month alone. But every time Kenma can feel the conversation take a turn in _that_ direction, he tells Kuroo he’s tired. He makes up any excuse that will give him more time, because he’s not ready. He's never ready. 

Kuroo shifts next to him, his body turning to the wall. He takes his arm with him, and Kenma’s not sure which is stronger: his relief or disappointment. 

He takes a deep breath, lets it out, and turns so that his back is to Kuroo’s, almost touching, but not quite.

Kenma leaves the TV on, falling asleep to the background noise. It helps to keep his thoughts from getting lost. 

He doesn’t have any nightmares that night. 

His phone screen lights up with a notification, and he’s not surprised to find it’s Kuroo. 

He looks back at his friend, who is currently sitting two rows back. Kuroo is already looking at him, probably waiting for him to read the text.

Kenma rolls his eyes as he turns his attention to his phone, pressing the home screen button and reading the text from there.

 **Kuroo** : want 2 come over after practice?

 **Kenma** : sure

He resists the urge to stare back at Kuroo, and instead tries to focus on the lesson. 

He misses most of it, and he’s grateful when the bell rings, and Kuroo swoops up next to him. “If I fail this class, I’m blaming you,” Kenma tells him. 

“It was one text!” Kuroo defends, but he’s grinning. 

“One today, ten tomorrow.” Kenma’s really not sure how Kuroo pays attention in class with how often he’s texting Kenma. 

“It’s not my fault that I like talking to you,” Kuroo says, and there he goes again, casually setting off fireworks in Kenma’s chest. 

“We’re gonna be late,” Kenma says, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and hurrying towards the door. His cheeks are burning, and all he wants to do is acknowledge this thing that’s happening between them but he can’t. He just can’t, because then it’s real, and if it’s real, he has to deal with it. 

Kuroo follows him out of the class, and Kenma can feel his eyes on him, but he carefully avoids looking back. 

They walk in silence all the way to Kenma’s classroom, even though he knows Kuroo’s class is in the opposite direction. When they reach the door, Kenma finally faces his friend.

Kuroo looks a little guilty, and also kind of sad. But his expression shifts as soon as Kenma’s fully facing him, so he tries to pretend the guilt and sadness were never there. 

“See you at practice,” Kenma says, and then, “thanks for walking with me.” 

He adds that last part because he hates seeing Kuroo sad, especially when he’s the reason. 

Kuroo’s smile softens, and Kenma hates the way it makes him melt. “No problem,” Kuroo tells him, spinning around and walking backwards with a wave before turning completely around. 

Kenma does not have the energy to deal with class, but he walks through the door anyway, dropping into his seat and getting out his notebook. 

He doodles absently as the lesson starts, occasionally writing down something that seems important. 

The day drags on until he finds himself at practice, falling into the familiar motions of the game. 

Kuroo bumps his shoulder in the locker room. “Want to play Pokemon when we get to my place?” It’s a question that doesn’t need an answer.

Kenma bumps Kuroo’s shoulder back, nodding. He tries to remember a time when touching Kuroo didn’t cause his heart to pick up pace.

His memory fails him.

He’s been in love with Kuroo for a long time. Too long to know when it started.

He lets himself, for a brief moment, think about what would happen if he didn’t stop Kuroo from confessing. What would it be like if they didn’t have to walk around each other like there’s not a big fucking elephant in the room?

Kuroo wouldn’t have to steal a third of the bed to get Kenma to cuddle him. 

_Nope_ , nope nope nope. He’s not going there. 

A finger touches his chest, pushing him forward lightly, causing him to jump slightly.

“You alright, Kenma?” Kuroo asks, concern clear on his face.

“Just thinking,” Kenma says honestly. 

“A dangerous thing,” Kuroo comments, the corner of his lip pulling up slightly. 

_Yeah_ , Kenma thinks, _a dangerous thing indeed._

Later that evening, while they’re playing Pokemon on Kuroo’s bed, Kenma momentarily forgets how to breath when Kuroo rests his legs over Kenma’s lap. 

**Kuroo** : are you awake? 

**Kuroo** : wake up

 **Kuroo** : kenmmaaaaa

 **Kuroo** : kenma. wake up

 **Kuroo** : WAKE UP

It’s not until Kenma hears his window close that he snaps awake, looking up to find Kuroo standing in his room. 

“Tell me I’m dreaming,” Kenma says in a groggy haze. Kuroo sneaks in through his window all the time, but never in the morning.

Kuroo grins mischievously. “Do you dream of me often?”

Kenma groans, turning around in his bed as he curls himself into a ball under the blankets. “What time is it?”

“10am.”

“Sleep time.”

“Noooo,” Kuroo says, Kenma’s bed dipping as his friend sits next to him, giving him a gentle shake. “Wake up.”

Kenma grabs the blanket and pulls it over his head. “Go away,” he says, no heat behind it. 

He imagines, briefly, what would happen if he rolled around and grabbed Kuroo, pulling his friend into the bed with him. The thought makes him dizzy with anxiety.

“I want to go shopping,” Kuroo tells him.

“Then go,” Kenma says. 

Kuroo’s hand rests on his shoulder, and Kenma is grateful that the blanket is acting as a barrier, though he wihes suddenly that it was thicker. (More realistically, he wihes there was no blanket, but he doesn’t dwell on that thought.)

“I need your impeccable eye for fashion.”

Kenma removes the blanket from over his head long enough to glare at Kuroo. 

“Kenmmaaaaa.”

Kenma flops onto his back reluctantly, removing the blanket from his face for good this time. 

“You’re the worst,” Kenma tells him.

Kuroo grins. “I know.” 

Kenma grabs the pillow from under his head and hits Kuroo with it before forcing himself up. 

Kuroo just laughs, wrapping his arms around the pillow and falling back against the bed as Kenma gets out. 

_What are they doing?_

Kenma internally sighs, pulling a pair of jeans and a shirt from his dresser. He changes quickly, and then walks to the bed, next to Kuroo. “Why do you need to go shopping?” 

Kuroo holds his hand out, and Kenma takes it, pulling him up. “I felt like it was time for a wardrobe update.”

Kenma raises a suspicious eyebrow. “Why?”

Kuroo shrugs, looking straight ahead. He’s the kind of relaxed that means he’s not relaxed. Kenma braces himself for the impact.

“Maybe I’m trying to impress someone.”

Kenma lets the words sit in the open between them for a moment. Stupid Kuroo, always saying stupid things. 

_Maybe someone doesn’t want to be impressed._

_Maybe someone already is impressed._

Instead, all he says is, “Hm.”

Kuroo’s eyes are glued to him, like he’s waiting for something else, but Kenma doesn’t say another word. And for a moment, he forgets that breathing is a necessary function. Kuroo’s stare can be quite intense. 

Kuroo finally looks away, and Kenma tries to calm his fast beating heart. 

As they make their way to the mall, the air around them stops feeling so heavy, and conversation naturally picks back up.

It’s like they’re playing a game and neither of them knows the rules. Or rather there are no rules, they’re just making them up as they go. 

And as much as Kenma would love for the game to be over, he’s terrified of what losing looks like. He’s terrified of winning, too, because win or lose, things will change. 

What they have now—it’s good. Kenma knows how to navigate friendship. Relationships are a whole new world. He’s never been with anyone before. He kissed Hinata once, but that was different. It was a kiss, two boys being curious. 

With Kuroo, it’ll never be just a kiss. Kuroo deserves someone who can give him the world, and Kenma just isn’t the world giving kind of person. 

Some days, he barely knows how to be a person at all. He refuses to tie Kuroo to that, no matter how much his heart aches for more. 

What they have is enough. It has to be enough. 

“What are you thinking about?” Kuroo asks, causing Kenma’s heart to do a small jump. 

“I’m thinking about getting a kitten,” Kenma half lies. While that wasn’t what he was just thinking, he has been thinking about it. 

Kuroo’s face lights up, a mix of surprise and excitement. “Why are we going to the mall when we could be adopting a kitten instead?!” 

Kenma glares at him. “Because you rudely woke me up so we could update your wardrobe, which apparently couldn’t wait until 2pm.”

Kuroo shrugs easily. “If I waited until 2, that’d be less time with you.” 

“I think you’re obsessed with me,” Kenma says, as if it hasn’t suddenly become hard to breath.

Kuroo grins. “You’re just now figuring that out? All the times I’ve snuck in through your window weren’t a dead giveaway?” 

Kenma tries (and fails) not to smile. “I guess I’ve known all along.” 

There’s a comfortable pause, the two of them smiling as they walk side by side. Kenma doesn’t want to lose this.

“So a kitten, huh?” Kuroo asks. “What’s holding you back?” 

“I haven’t asked yet,” Kenma tells him.

“I’m sure your parents would say yes,” Kuroo says.

Kenma hums in agreement. “I’ll text them and ask.”

Kuroo’s eyes light up with excitement. “Wait. Really?”

Kenma shrugs. “Sure. Why not? No time like the present, and all that.”

Kuroo’s grin is too big for his face. He bumps his shoulder against Kenma’s as they walk, and Kenma acts like the small gesture doesn’t make his whole body feel warm. 

“Okay, how does this look?” Kuroo asks as he comes out of the dressing room wearing black skinny jeans and a black flannel. Kenma tries not to think about how good Kuroo looks in black.

“It looks good,” Kenma says plainly. 

Kuroo gives him a dramatic stare. “ _Just good_? C’mon Kenma, you gotta give me more than that. That’s what you keep saying about everything.” 

Kenma swallows, his heart beating faster. “Because you look good in everything. What else do you want me to say?”

Kuroo wiggles his eyebrows, doing a weird pose for Kenma. “Tell me I look _amazing_ , or _gorgeous_ , or _hot_.” 

Kenma snorts, and then, as emotionless as possible, he says, “You look amazing, Kuro. And gorgeous. And hot.” He means it, of course, but Kuroo doesn’t need to know that. 

Kuroo huffs playfully, spinning around and going back into the dressing room. “You wound me, Kenma,” he says from behind the dressing room door. 

Kenma bites back a smile, playing on his phone while Kuroo changes into another outfit. 

Kuroo comes out a few moments later, and Kenma instinctively looks up at the sound of the door opening, but he’s immediately taken aback because he wasn’t expecting Kuroo to look like _that_. 

He’s wearing slim fitting jeans that are cuffed at the end, a white t-shirt, and a pink jacket with a cat ear hood. This looks more like a Kenma outfit than a Kuroo outfit, but he’s certain that Kuroo pulls it off better than he would.

“I think you’d look better in this,” Kuroo says, as if he can read Kenma’s mind, “but I couldn’t resist the cat ears. What do you think?” He does a quick little spin. 

“I want the hoodie,” Kenma says, because it’s true, and everything else he wants to say is too dangerous. 

Kuroo smiles. “I’ll buy it for you,” he says, taking it off and handing it to Kenma.

Kenma takes it, shrugging out of his current jacket to try on this one. “I can buy it for myself.”

Kuroo’s smile turns soft. “You look so cute. And nope, I’m buying it for you. It’s the least I could do, for waking you up this morning.”

Kenma knows he’s blushing, his stomach is a fluttering mess and he really wants to kill Kuroo, but mostly, he wants to kiss him and _god._ It never gets easier. “That’s true,” Kenma says with a nod as he starts to take the sweater off. 

“Wait! Keep it on. Let me take a picture.” 

Kenma rolls his eyes, but he indulges. Kuroo runs into the dressing room and comes back seconds later with his phone. He points the phone at Kenma and takes what Kenma assumes to be multiple photos. 

“Wow. you really are obsessed with me,” Kenma jokes, and Kuroo nods, sliding onto the bench next to Kenma.

“Sure am,” Kuroo says. holding his phone out to take a selfie of them. “Smile.”

Kenma doesn’t smile, but Kuroo takes the picture, and then he’s typing away on his phone.

Kenma groans. “Who are you sending that to?”

Kuroo looks at him mischievously. “Bokuto.”

Kenma laughs softly. “Why did I even ask?” 

Kuroo’s phone buzzes with a message, and a grin spreads across his face as he reads the text.

“What did he say?” Kenma asks.

Kuroo shows Kenma his phone. The text reads “cute” in all caps, with a lot of exclamation points and a smiley face. Bokuto and Kuroo with all their exclamation points. Kenma’s not sure if he’s ever sent a text with an exclamation point. 

“He’s right,” Kuroo says, matter of fact. 

“It’s the sweater,” Kenma shrugs, heart skipping a beat. 

“It’s you,” Kuroo says, not missing a beat.

Kuroo’s stare is intense, like he’s thinking too many things at once, and Kenma lets out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?” 

Kenma nods. “Okay.” 

Kuroo’s lip pulls up slightly. “Good,” he says, and then he disappears into the dressing room.

For how fast his heart is racing, someone would think Kenma just sprinted the freaking mile. 

Kenma opens an app on his phone, and then closes it, opens another, and then closes that one. He’s grateful when a notification for a text flashes across the screen. _Something to focus on._

It’s a text from his mom telling him he can get a kitten. 

“Kuro,” he says, getting his friend’s attention from the other side of the dressing room door. “My parents said I can get a kitten.”

They’re sprawled out on Kenma’s bed, a kitten on Kuroo’s chest. 

“I’m never leaving,” Kuroo says, staring lovingly at Shadow, the name they’d somehow managed to agree on a few hours after taking the fluffy black kitten home. 

Kenma is laying on his side, petting Shadow. He’s buzzing with warmth, and it has nothing to do with the temperature. 

He’s just… happy. _Stupid_. Stupid Kuroo. 

“Shadow would get sick of you if you never left.”

Kuroo gasps dramatically. “Shadow would never. We’re best friends.” 

Kenma laughs. “Replacing me so soon?” 

Kuroo shakes his head, holding Kenma’s gaze. The thing about Kuroo is that he can go from joking to completely serious in less than a second. “You’re irreplaceable.” 

Kenma ignores the way his heart rate has picked up pace. “Yeah, no one else can put up with you.” 

Kuroo’s smile is rioculoudly gentle. “Kenma,” he says, and Kenma knows something is about to happen. Something big. Something that can’t be taken back or ignored. Kuroo’s trying to change the game, and Kenma knows he needs to say something, knows he needs to stop Kuroo in his tracks, but his heart is beating so fast and maybe he wants the game to change after all. 

So he just lays there, staring at Kuroo, trying to remember how to breathe. 

“I want to kiss you,” Kuroo says, and the world comes crashing down around them. 

But nothing really changes. 

Because Kuroo has always wanted to kiss Kenma, and Kenma’s always wanted him to. 

“Then what are you waiting for?” Kenma asks, the words coming out far more courageous than he feels. 

Kuroo picks up Shadow, setting her on the pillow behind him. She meows quietly at being disturbed, and then Kuroo is closing the gap between them and _oh_.

 _So this is what it feels like to kiss Kuroo_ , Kenma thinks. _It’s everything._

Kuroo pulls away, but only slightly, letting his forehead rest against Kenma’s. 

Kenma keeps his eyes closed. “I’m scared,” he whispers. 

“Me too,” Kuroo says. “I’m fucking terrified.”

“What if I can’t give you everything you want?” Kenma asks.

Kuroo moves his head, and Kenma instantly misses the pressure. “Kenma.”

Kenma opens his eyes. 

“You are everything I want.” 

Stupid Kuroo, always saying stupid things. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! hit me on tumblr @ iwaizumioikawa with some writing prompts :”)


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